On Fatherhood…
Views on fatherhood
Every year, in the month of June, fathers all over the world are celebrated on the third Sunday. In commemoration of this year’s event, I spoke to a few men about their views on fatherhood.
Jamal* and Musa* are single men in their late-twenties, who hope to become fathers some day in the near future.
Q: What is your view on fatherhood?
A: Fatherhood is a sacred duty to oneself, the community and the state. A father has the responsibility of guiding his offsprings to be the best version of themselves they can be — in compassion, dedication to duty, taking responsibility, making ends meet, etc.
Q: Can you tell me about the type of father you hope to be?
A: I want to be present and involved in my children’s lives, unlike my father. He was hardly ever around and did not even live with us until my siblings and I were all grown. I also want to be emotionally connected to my children and teach them that their opinions are valuable. Growing up, my father’s word was law — he did not let us choose anything or even offer our opinions. I see how that affected us and I do not want that to happen with my children.
’Seni* is an expectant father in his mid-thirties.
Q: How did you feel when you first found out you were expecting a baby?
A: I was filled with disbelief; especially because it was a constant prayer point in my quiet moments with God. When my wife broke the news to me, it felt like I had just started living. It even increased my confidence in God because it was too timely.
Q: What is/was your greatest fear about being a father?
A: My greatest fear is not being able to meet up with all my child’s needs. There is also the knowledge of not being able to protect him from everything.
Chidi* is in his late-thirties. He is married and has a twelve-year-old son.
Q: How do feel about being a father?
A: I am happy and afraid at the same time. It is a challenging journey and sometimes, I wonder how I will cope. Fatherhood is pleasant but it comes with a lot of responsibility and bills. I am occasionally afraid of being a bad parent but I make sure I always do my best at any given time.
Q: What advice do you have for other fathers like you?
A: Just have money. Love can not pay bills so double your hustle. However, it is important not to get carried away and always try to find ways to enjoy the journey, form bonds with your children, play with them and listen to them.
Mike* lost his first wife at childbirth and was a single father for a few years. He has now remarried and has another daughter.
Q: How was being a single parent? How did you balance it with everything?
A: It was okay…pretty destabilizing at first because I was quite young at the time. I am so glad I had my mum, I could not have done anything without her help. She did almost everything relating to my daughter. I was working in a different state so I had to apply for a transfer to the city my mum lived so I could be close to my daughter. I always want to be involved in my children’s lives and so far, it has been cool. We dey try.
Q: What would you say is the most challenging part of being a father?
A: I think besides being available to and for your children — which is the part that they see, provision is most paramount, especially in these times. The quest to always give your children the best is the challenge and that costs money — a lot of it. Fatherhood is a call to responsibility, constantly sacrificing — not just financially; I have to contribute in many other ways. I also realize that my wife can not do everything so I am very hands-on at home. Furthermore, the ability to soak up pressures and ensure the effects of disappointments and mishaps are not transferred to them is a major skill to be mastered. For me, the most important thing is having the mindset that God has got you, it helps you operate in the required capacity.
The responses by two grandfathers are combined below:
Q: How does it feel to be a grandfather?
A: It feels great to be a grandfather, I feel very fulfilled. It is a thing of joy and I can only appreciate God for his grace and mercy. The joy of being called “grandpa” is indescribable. I also think its a kind of achievement, maybe even a status symbol.
Q: Watching and helping your children raise their own children, is there anything you feel you could have done differently?
A: Absolutely nothing! Times are changing and the society is becoming the better for it. I can only pray that God will continue to guide them on the right path at all times. If I have to raise a child again, the only things I would do differently would be based mainly on societal changes.
In summary, being a father is a wonderful feeling, such a pleasure and a joy. What a father does is to look out for his children and make their lives better. I chose to become a father because I love children and I’ll choose my kids over and over again. My family always comes first. The only thing I would change, if I could, is to have had all my children together and spent their formative years with them but like the saying goes, “eni to bi’mo, wahala omo lo ma pa, eni to ko bi’mo, wahala omo naa lo ma pa.” — Baba ’Yinka
*All names have been changed.
