The Little Things
Simple Joys of Relationships
Every relationship is a sum of parts — emotions, perspectives, opinions, actions and pretty much anything you we can think about. Every now and then, we see grand gestures of love and displays of affection but behind the scenes of every relationship, we find the little things the parties do for each other. These gestures assure the other party that they are loved, seen and heard and go a long way in oiling the wheels of their relationship. No matter what they are, these thoughtful, kind gestures are special and give us pockets of happiness in the everydayness of life. For this piece, I talked to some people about the little things they do for their person and I have compiled their responses below. Enjoy!
“I always forget my phone” says May*, “but whenever Iyke*, my husband is around, he reminds me.” They have been married for about six months now. She also says that he religiously packs her lunch for work everyday, when he is off work. “I will still do shakara and say I do not want the food or I am not eating much but he just ignores me and goes right ahead” she adds. On his part, Iyke seems to not be bothered about what happens with his clothes anymore, as May has now become his personal drycleaner. “I love doing the laundry so it is not a big deal.” May quips.
Laraba* and Bayo* are engaged to be married next year. Bayo says his babe always reminds him to stop biting his nails and helps him with his work when he needs someone to bounce his ideas off. Laraba says, “he drives me around, feeds me, helps me with my work, generally takes care of me and is constantly thinking of how to make my life more comfortable. I help him pick out outfits and iron his clothes because he hates ironing.”
Michael* and Sarah* got married about two years ago. Michael says his wife always helps him sort out his invoices, even when she has a lot of work to do. “It means a lot to me” he says, “she is very supportive and gives me her honest advice on any issue.” Laughing, Sarah says she will stick to three things — one, Michael asks her opinion about pretty much everything, buttressing the fact that they are really a team; he is positive about things she wants to do. “My win is his win” she tells me. Then she tops it off with, “he almost always buys something for me on his way back from anywhere…nice sweet oyoyo. I love that so much.”
Amaka* and Isaiah* have been dating for about six months now. With a huge smile on her face, she says he always pushes her to be a better version of herself and always supports her. Isaiah likes to plan and to Amaka, getting to help him or offering her input feels like the most precious thing in the world. She concludes with saying how overjoyed she is that she did not give up on love and that their relationship has been extremely amazing so far.
“We have been married for thirty-one years now and before that we courted for about three years” says Daddy A. “My wife always buys clothes for me because she thinks I will wear the same clothes over and over, if I have my way. Well, it is true.” He adds that they used to fight a lot but they have now learnt how to tolerate each other and settle their differences amicably. For one, he has learnt to give a listening ear even when he knows he is right. Mummy O. blushes as she says her husband cooks for her sometimes and treats her like his partner. She runs a small business from their home and he helps her sort orders and make deliveries, even when he is running late for work. She adds that they always pray together and for each other.
“For me, it is how Jaja* always finds a solution to everything. He is the most resourceful person I know.” Angelina* says about her boyfriend of over four years now. “We also have this thing we do where we are constantly checking on each other, making sure the other person is okay and leaving nothing to chance.” She adds that they do almost everything together and carries her matter on his head. Jaja says, “she takes the issues I’m experiencing per time as her own and she is always there for me. I must also add that over time, we have learnt to apologize to each other better and work as a team.”
“The first thing that comes to mind is that I hate ironing so I just shake my clothes before wearing them, and I can not really be bothered about cleaning my shoes but my darling husband ensures I do not go around town looking homeless” Stella* says, adding that her husband of three years now, Chuka, almost always helps loosen her and their first daughter’s hair. As a new mom, she says, “any small space I see na for sleep so he ends up finishing chores I started before I got distracted by the baby.” She says Chuka loves it when she cuts and and files his nails or gives him a massage, so she tries to give him one every now and then. “I also enjoy exfoliating his face and picking at his beard,” she quips, laughing.
Joan* and Sam* have been dating for a few years now. Joan says she keeps a small list of important dates for him so she can remind him as they come up. Sam sends his woman the most random nice things and always ensures that her car is in great condition and when it is not, he arranges for an alternative. Joan is someone who likes to take care of things herself but when it comes to her car, she is totally clueless so she is grateful to have him deal with that for her.
Seki*says her husband, Friday* amongst other things, always brings her drinking water and he has a way of looking for her when she is in a different part of the house. He also does not judge her or disturb her when she is out and about. The last thing, which she is sure is not a little thing, is that he does not push for her to cook all the time but would instead, get them something.
Patricia* takes prides in being her man’s “sunshine on a cloudy day” because she makes him laugh whenever he feels low. “We pray together” she adds, after narrating how her boyfriend used to encourage her when she was struggling with her faith and reminded her to pray everyday. She also says that he is truly her person and there is nothing quite like having your person.
Maria* says she appreciates that her husband, Larry*, does not leave her to figure things out on her own. “He makes sure he is involved in everything — from potty training the children to instilling discipline and occupying them” she says, adding that she is grateful for him everyday and prays that God continually helps him in his fatherhood role. “I seldom cook but I am happy to do school runs since I have a flexible work schedule” Larry says. He also contributes to managing home affairs and liaising with external parties to ensure everything runs smoothly at home so his wife does not have to worry about anything. “The frame my wife got me last father’s day still warms my heart to this day.”
Alex* says his girlfriend always makes sure there is at least one cold can of beer for him and that makes him feel very special. “For her, I will do anything — from rubbing her back to helping her scratch an itch sometimes to buying her snacks from time to time because she is constantly chewing something to folding her clothes, cooking for her and helping her switch off her VPN and plug her phone in (she does that for me too) when she falls asleep, he says heartily. “And oh she wears some of my clothes and uses my perfumes” he quips.
Shekinah* and Hadassah* are twin sisters. Shekinah says she hardly ever buys anything just for herself; she always buys a second one for her sister. She also likes to tries new dishes so she always gets an extra portion of any food she tries and cooks for Hadassah too. Hadassah, on the other hand, says she follows her sister to places she does not want to go alone, cooks for her, makes sure she eats and also buys her favourite things. “And oh, we lend each other clothes” she quips, adding that Shekinah does her hair, helps her with work and does her laundry too, seeing that she does not like that chore very much.
For his sister, Seni* says he makes sure there are clean thick socks to wear whenever she is around and that before he goes to bed, he tries to ensure there is some water for her to drink because she gets thirsty at night. He also buys her favourite scented candles because, “when she is comfortable,
everybody is comfortable.”
I enjoyed every moment of putting this piece together and consider it an incredible privilege that people would share such beautiful stories with me. I also thought about the little things in my relationship and I will share some of them. The man of my dreams keeps my stuff in his pockets (or bag) any time we go out and I do not carry a bag. He always likes to hold my hand too, and that just makes me giddy, like a teenage girl in love. He has many cute tricks up his sleeves— one time, he had his friend bring me froyo when he was coming to collect a book from me. It never gets old and to me, it is the most precious thing. He also helps out with forms and letters (writer in the mud), and oils my hair whenever it is dry. This man rubs my feet too, but not without revelling the chance to call them ashy. Lol.
When I asked him what the little things I do for him are, he says, “Ife likes to “forget” stuff in random places. Sometimes I open my workbag and there’s a pack of my favourite sweets. One time, she left the absolute best notes around the house, one of them was even in my shoe. She constantly looks out for me and nothing beats the feeling of having the right person in your corner. It’s quite refreshing to be on the receiving end of being looked after. Left to me, I would just freestyle my way through life and change little but she makes sure I do the right things. For one, I would probably still be in my old apartment if she had not encouraged me to move out to this space I absolutely love. It is amazing, the range of things this woman does. Overraw best in gestures.”😎
*Names have been changed.
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